We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
