Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
