I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
