dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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