There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
