i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
