Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And then he peed in my hair
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