He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
