Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
