everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
two words: eviction party
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
