I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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