her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
