this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
