so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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