Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
