dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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