well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
