do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
