I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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