Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
