there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
