I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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