Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
