My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
