My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
