Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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