Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
