She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
