Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina is very pro this idea
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