We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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