is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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