we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
