OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
