I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
