he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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