Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
