If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
