"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
