I murdered the dance floor call the cops
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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