the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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