Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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