Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
