so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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