And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
