Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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