If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
