How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
