there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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