You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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