and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
