I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
