I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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