Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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