im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize