Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
