Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
