I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
