i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
