I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
