please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
