just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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