You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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