I'm passing your future prison.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
