I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
